Your Anti-Racist Kiddo
The last two weeks we covered ways you can be anti-racists in an effort to model for your kids. This week, we’ll cover what you can do specifically for your kids.
Build empathy and compassion in kids
As noted last week, and here, and here. Empathy and compassion. It starts here. They’re good for your kiddo’s long-term outlook. You can practice “perspective taking” with your kids while reading books, watching TV, or interactions with friends and family (e.g. I wonder how Oscar feels about living in a trash can?). Encourage curiosity: instead of ‘Dan’s a bad student for falling asleep in class,’ try, ‘I wonder why Dan fell asleep in class?’
Focus on impact rather than intent - intent is a very White Western belief. As parents we are often heard saying, ‘that was an accident.’ It’s a phrase that can trick us into thinking that Fred’s internal state impacts how much he hurt Susie when he bonked her with a mallet. The same is true of psychological weapons and wounds.
You can build compassion by helping your kids understand how they can take a sad song and make it better. You can start small. What can they do after they hurt their brother’s feelings? Then work to expand the circle of compassion. And take a minute to wallow in how good they feel by helping someone else. I like a good wallow. Also, get this book and this book and read to your kids.
Expose kids to different
Being open to talking and experiencing other cultures and countries helps build empathy and tolerance. Ideas can range from eating food from other countries, watching TV shows from other countries, cultivating diverse relationships, and travel. And, have some diversity in your art supplies.
Teach a tolerance for disagreement
If we teach kids that it is okay to disagree with people, they are better positioned to engage in a conversation and problem solve. A favorite game in our house is ‘fact or opinion.’ When my son calls my daughter ‘stinky’ we get to have a conversation about how that is his opinion, and not one shared by myself or my daughter. We can talk about why we each hold our opinion. Or we can state a fact, ‘asparagus pee smells noxious to 30% of Americans.’
Teach kids about the world and to dream about the type of world they want
Model civics by volunteering, paying taxes and talking about why you pay your taxes, and voting. Talk about how change happens and why change happens (see last week’s post). Don’t be afraid to complicate the conversation - Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King were breaking the law after all. John Lewis called this “Good Trouble.” Talk about power and decision making (good example, you as a parent muh-hahaha). Introduce them to new places and cultures.
Books
There are tons of amazing children's books that can give you a starting point for talking about all this ☝️ see some of my favorites 👇.
Change Sings by Amanda Gorman
The Proudest Blue: A Story of Hijab and Family
R-E-S-P-E-C-T Aretha Franklin the Queen of Soul
The Last Stop on Market Street
Saturday
